Showing posts with label program. Show all posts
Showing posts with label program. Show all posts

Sunday, November 8, 2026

was the fin on your back part of the deal


I started watching Shark Tank years ago, when it first premiered in the United States in 2009. Since then, it has gone on to produce 18 seasons and win five Prime Time Emmy Awards. Honestly, I lost interest in Shark Tank just a few episodes after it started, but recently, Mrs. Pincus and I have been watching reruns which are broadcast on CNBC almost as much as Friends is shown on TBS.

We have a particular ritual when it comes to watching Shark Tank. Since these shows are two, three... even ten yerars old, we like to watch and Google the eventual climax of each particular sales pitch. We like to see if a deal was struck with one of the "sharks" and if that particular deal amounted to anything. Sure, companies like Bombas socks and Scrub Daddy were famously launched on Shark Tank and netted their investor (FUBU founder Daymond John and QVC queen Lori Greiner respectively) a ton of money. But Ring camera doorbell was passed over by the majority of the "sharks" (save for resident asshole Kevin O'Leary who made an offer, but wanted a hefty royalty) and went on to be acquired by Amazon for just over one billion dollars.

Shark Tank is the American version of a Japanese program called manÄ“ no tora (Tigers of Money). That show spawned the British Dragon's Den which then begat Shark Tank. The premise is pretty simple. Hopeful entrepreneurs pitch their company or product to a panel of wealthy potential investors. If they spark an interest, a deal will be made. Over the years, as goes the premise of most reality shows — more unnecessary drama is introduced. Each investor has been given a cartoonish personality and those personalities have become as important to the show as the actual folks making their presentation. 

There's Mark Cuban, the self-made billionaire, who is portrayed as "just one of the guys." He regularly points out whether something is a "business" or just a "product" — only to contradict himself in the next episode. He often quickly drops out of the bidding, makes an offer when he sees someone else trying to make a deal.

Robert Herjavec made his fortune in the world of cybersecurity. He injects compassion and personal experience when making his offer. He tends to embrace the underdog and regularly cries while bringing up his humble beginnings as a poor immigrant... which is nearly every episode.

Lori Greiner is a smart savvy businessperson, who unfortunately has to continually sell herself and her qualifications, despite having a net worth of approximately 250 million dollars and a business portfolio worth over a billion. I like Lori because she butts heads and belittles fellow "shark" Kevin O'Leary.

Speaking of Kevin O'Leary... I can't stand him. He makes the show very difficult to watch. If I recall, he was the main reason I stopped watching in the first place. He is an arrogant, obnoxious know-it-all. He is greedy, unreasonable and often insults those pitching a product — even when he is trying to negotiate a deal with them. O'Leary founded a software company in the 80s that he eventually sold to Mattel. After the acquisition, Mattel immediately fired him. The acquisition eventually resulted in significant losses for the O'Leary-founded entity and sparked multiple shareholder lawsuits targeting O'Leary's mismanagement. On Shark Tank, he has adopted the nickname "Mr. Wonderful," and  regularly evokes the sobriquet with a shit-eating grin on his very smackable face.

In the evenings, when Mrs. Pincus and I are just unwinding on the sofa after a long and tiring day of reality, we watch Shark Tank. I have said that if I ever had a product that I could pitch on Shark Tank — which would never happen, but if it did — I would come out and even before I began my presentation, I would announce that while I hope to make a deal today, if no one but Kevin O'Leary is interested, I will just leave. I will not, under any circumstances, speak with, negotiate with, engage with or otherwise interact with Kevin O'Leary. I will not acknowledge any of his questions, his comments, his suggestions or his criticisms. I don't care if he loves my imaginary product and/or service. I don't care if he offered me ten million dollars for a .5% equity in my company, I would refuse. I would thank the "sharks" for their time, turn, and head for the exit if all the other "sharks" dropped out and he was beginning to assemble a deal. I have worked for guys like him. They are nauseating. The rules of society do not apply to them,. They think nothing of driving the wrong way down a one way street. They ignore business hours posted in the front window of a store. They don't bat an eye at "No Parking" signs. They do what they want because they are rich. I would sooner walk out the door than deal with arrogance — let alone arrogance that owns a piece of my company (my imaginary company, that is.)

Nevertheless, Shark Tank makes for a good distraction after working all day. Plus it's fun to see the ultimate fate of some of these businesses. (How many small-batch coffee roasters does the world need?)

But, if MeTV Toons is showing that Bugs Bunny cartoon with Little Red Riding Hood, you know what I'm watching.

www.joshpincusiscrying.com

Sunday, September 12, 2021

picture book

In 2007, I started working at my first real office job. This was at a mid-size, East coast law firm. Sure, I had worked in "offices" before, but this time I had my very own office. It wasn't much bigger than a closet, with just enough space to snugly fit a desk, a chair and a couple of narrow bookshelves, which — over the course of the dozen years I worked there — I managed to fill with hundreds of little knick-knacks, action figures, wind-ups and all sorts of odds & ends to give the appearance of the workspace of a six-year old.

When I arrived at my new job, I found a corkboard on the wall of my office that had belonged to the previous occupant. There were a few business cards and outdated memos tacked up in the corners, along with a pin-back button proudly proclaiming a participant in the "Philly READS" program. With a little investigation, I discovered that "Philly READS" was a partnership with area businesses to promote reading among elementary school students. Once per week, participating students were brought in to area offices where volunteer readers (i.e. office rank & file) read appropriate age-level books to said students. It's a mutually beneficial experience in that workers do something for the community and the students hopefully develop a love for reading. In a very un-Josh Pincus-like action, I signed myself up for the upcoming Philly READS session that was scheduled to begin in a week or so. Some of my new co-workers, who had already discovered my cynical, sardonic and sarcastic side, were quite surprised by my initiative. I can honestly say, I was surprised, as well.

On the first day of the Philly READS session, my fellow reading volunteers made their way into the law firm's large library that was housed on the 38th floor of a Philadelphia office building. Soon, a single-file line of the tiniest humans were led in by their teacher, a cheerful vivacious young woman who didn't resemble any teacher I had in elementary school. She read from an official-looking sheet of paper and called out each student's name, followed by the name of one of my fellow office workers. These would be the permanent pairings for reading for as long as the multi-week session lasted. The teacher called out my name and I raised my hand. She smiled at me and guided a little girl in my direction. 

"This is Melody.," she said.

I smiled and said "Hi there, Melody." As I offered a little wave of my hand. Melody shyly shuffled her little feet as she stood behind the teacher. She didn't look at me.

The teacher said, "This is Josh." Melody didn't care. 

I pointed to a nearby table where several other student-worker pairs had already taken seats and began reading their chosen books in hushed tones. 

Yeah! Look at 'em go!
"Over here, Melody." I said. Melody took off her puffy coat, revealing an outfit of mismatched colors. She climbed up on a chair and produced a book from her backpack. She slid it across the table in my direction. So far, she had not spoken a word. I looked at the title and immediately recognized it — Curious George Visits the Zoo. It was one of my son's favorites and I read it to him often when he was a child.  I hadn't read it in years though, as my son — at this time — was in his sophomore year at college. I opened the book and began to read. Melody finally looked at me as I read, but still didn't utter a word.

This particular entry in the Curious George canon is fairly short. I evidentially plowed though the entire story at pretty speedy clip, leaving a lot of time until the session was over. I looked at Melody. Melody looked around the library, seeming to consciously not want to make eye contact with me. An idea popped into my head. I grabbed a blank piece of paper from the tray of a nearby copier and started drawing little doodles that I thought might amuse Melody. I drew a close approximation of Spongebob Squarepants from memory. At the time, Spongebob was a pretty popular cartoon character among children Melody's age... I supposed. Melody studied my pen strokes as the character began to take shape. As I drew his spindly legs and protruding teeth, Melody spoke her first word to me.

"Squidward!," she said.

We're ALL Squidward.
Hmmm..... maybe I'm not as good as I thought
, I wondered to myself. I didn't exactly correct her. I just said, "That's Spongebob." She looked at me as though I was speaking a foreign language. I continued to draw, this time, attempted to capture Spongebob's pal Patrick. When I finished, Melody identified Patrick as "Squidward." I frowned. I tried again, now actually taking a crack at Squidward, seeing as his likeness had been sort-of requested. Melody correctly guessed "Squidward" this time, although technically I was baiting her. By this time, Melody's teacher announced for the students to line up for their return trip to school. I helped Melody on with her coat and waved "goodbye" to her. She beelined to the gathering group of students. She did not return my wave.

The next week — and for every subsequent week — Melody brought Curious George Visits the Zoo for me to read to her. I never questioned. I just read the book, Over the course of the Philly READS session, Melody slowly, slowly, opened up. She began to smile and react to the silly I voices I supplied for the different characters in the book. She began to talk a little. She would get a piece of paper for me to draw pictures for her. She still called everything I drew "Squidward," but I didn't care. Or maybe everything I drew just looked like Spongebob's tentacled pal to her.

One day, after I had finished reading Curious George Visits the Zoo and began drawing pictures, Melody — out of nowhere and totally unprompted — said "My dad shot my mom."

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! was all I heard in my head.

"What?" I asked. Melody repeated the same five words in the same, matter-of-fact tone. She continued to look down, paying close attention to a little drawing that she was doing on her own. She didn't elaborate on her jarring statement and I sure as hell wasn't going to press for details. I just drew my little pictures and Melody just tagged each one "Squidward" — same as always. I didn't question her teacher or other students or anyone. I just let it go.

Soon summer approached and the school year was coming to an end. As an end-of-program special treat, the readers were invited to visit the student's school for reading, pizza and a little surprise entertainment. We were bussed to the school which was not too far from our office. In the classroom, each reader took a seat next to their student partner's desk. We read our books. (Guess which one we read?) Afterwards, the students, as a group, sang a little song and then we all ate pizza. When the final session was over. I said "goodbye" to Melody, telling her it was a pleasure to read to her for the past few months.

Melody hugged me.

I never participated in Philly READS for the remaining decade-plus that I worked at the law firm. Nothing could have topped that.

(Just a quick footnote, Melody is probably 21 by now.)