99 problems

Years ago, I used to design promotional posters for a local DJ who put on a monthly dance party. I did these posters for him for many years. There was another DJ who worked with him at these parties and one day, she decided to branch out on her own. Her solo effort was an amiable split with the main DJ. As a matter of fact, he recommended that she contact me to do the promo poster for her very first event. She did so and we agreed on a very very fair price. (This event was over fifteen years ago and the price we settled on was fifty dollars. That price was offered as a favor for a friend and far below what I would normally charge for such a project.) I sent the finished piece to her and sat back and awaited payment. Payment never arrived. The date of the event came and went and still no payment. I contacted her via email which was my only form of contact for her. I received no reply. I began to email her more frequently and still no replies. After months and months of no replies and no payments, I gave up. Almost a year after the event, I received a reply. A very short, indignant reply. She said that the event was not as successful as she had hoped and she had no money. I countered, expressing my sympathies about the poor reception of her event, but reminding her that we did have a business agreement. I did do the work and I did supply her with a product as promised. I received no further emails from her. A few months after this futile exchange, I saw her name pop up in an internet chat room of a local radio station. I identified myself to her and, once again, asked about payment for my work. She replied that she had no money after buying  Christmas gifts for her friends. Then she promptly left the chat room.

No money after buying Christmas gifts? What? What about priorities? What about obligations and responsibilities? 

Some time ago, I arrived home from work to find my wife in tears. She explained that she just came from the bank. She was discussing a situation with a bank officer with whom we had recently secured a line of credit. In the course of the conversation, it was revealed that he — the bank representative — had supplied us with incorrect information regarding some aspect of the agreement. Instead of admitting his error and apologizing, he berated my wife — insisting that she should have read the details more carefully. Then he lied — lied — saying that he told us the correct policy from the very beginning. I was furious. No one should ever leave a bank in tears — with the exception of being a victim in a robbery. Otherwise, "banking" and "crying" are mutually exclusive. I got back in my car and drove over to the bank. I asked for the bank officer and confronted him over his reasoning for making my wife cry. He hemmed and hawed and stammered and shuffled... until he finally spat out, "Well, my father just died!" I told him I was sorry to hear that, but perhaps he returned to work too soon and he still needed time to grieve without taking his "five steps" out on his customers. (As an epilogue to this incident, I called the corporate office of the bank and explained what had transpired. The bank officer in question was no longer seen at the bank after that.)

Yesterday, I arrived home to find a car parked directly across my driveway, completely blocking access. There was a woman sitting in the passenger's seat, but no driver. I tapped my horn. The woman looked at me. I gestured towards my driveway. She shrugged her shoulders. I tapped my horn again, but this time, I lowered my window and yelled for her to move the car. Instead, she got out of her car and called up to someone standing on my next-door neighbor's porch. "This guy wants you to move the car. He says it's blocking his driveway." The woman on the porch called back: "Oh, I'll be there in a minute." and she made no attempt to make a move towards her car. In the meantime, a car was stopped behind me and another was stopped behind the blocking car, unable to maneuver past. I lowered my passenger window and screamed: "MOVE YOUR CAR!" The woman on the porch slowly — s  l  o  w  l  y — sauntered down the front steps and headed toward my car. She stopped just in front of my car and wagged her finger at me. "Sir!," she began condescendingly, "there is a person in this house who needs assistance in getting around. There is no need to be rude." I was fuming! I pointed to her car. "But blocking my driveway isn't rude?," I hollered. She turned on her heels and walked to her car, got in and even more  s    l    o    w    l    y  turned her vehicle around and sped away. When I got inside my house, my neighbor had send a text to my wife that read: "Please apologize to Josh. He seemed pretty annoyed."

For the past twenty-five or so years, my next-door neighbor — or someone living in or visiting her house — has blocked my driveway no less that seventy billion times. And I have complained each and every one of those times. One would think that, after all those years, she would say to a visitor or resident of her home, "Oh don't block my asshole neighbor's driveway. He's a jerk and he gets mad when someone blocks his driveway, even if they have a perfectly good reason to do so." Nope. She has never done that. Instead, she just continues to block my driveway.

The common thread in these three incidents (and many others like them) is the excuse. An excuse for rude and inconsiderate behavior is always rendered with words that make the offender's problem a valid, inarguable reason for bad behavior. It is as though their problem or issue is so important — so undeniably crucial — that it negates any other situation. Any one of your trivial, insignificant dilemmas are meaningless when compared to their earth-shattering, life-threatening, monumental concern. 

The DJ for whom I designed the poster — she was not aware of my financial situation. She didn't consider that I needed that fifty bucks to pay a bill or purchase medication. She didn't think that I make my living as an artist and this was how I meet my financial responsibilities.

The guy at the bank — I am sorry that his father died. My father died. So did my mother. And my grandmothers (the one I like and the one I didn't like). So did my best friend from high school. So did a lot of people. People die. But the death of his father doesn't necessarily affect the lives of everyone. And a personal tragedy has no place and no bearing on the day-to-day function of a bank and its services. 

That woman blocking my driveway — how does she know what may be going on in my house? Did she consider that I may be delivering important medicine for someone inside? Did it cross her mind that a long lost relative could be waiting to see me after many, many decades of little to no contact? Did she think that perhaps I was answering a desperate call from an elderly inhabitant of my house that had fallen and was in need of my immediate help?

When did we become a society of self-centered, self-righteous, inconsiderate, arrogant, narcissistic egotists? 

Sure, I can come off as an angry, complaining curmudgeon. Well, now you know why.

www.joshpincusiscrying.com

hang on to your ego

Many, many years ago — too many to count, I designed a poster for a local disc jockey who had seen my work from another local disc jockey. I never met this DJ, so we corresponded via email. She explained the theme of the event she was planning and what sort of graphics she had in mind. Back then, I was asking very little for freelance work. I had a good full-time job and I looked as "side work" as a fun distraction from my everyday grind of creating newspaper circulars (which was the major focus of my job at the time). We decided on a fair price... a very fair price, as a matter of fact. To be honest, I think I asked for fifty bucks. Maybe even forty.

I sent the DJ several designs and she replied with some changes and edits. I did what she requested and, after four or five proofs, she gave me her approval, with a promise to pay sometime after the event occurred. I was fine with that arrangement. The dance party for which I did the poster was April 8, 2010. That date passed. And passed. And passed. Needless to say, I did not get paid.

I emailed the DJ, gently reminding her of our monetary agreement. A sufficient period of time elapsed with no response. I emailed again. I was a bit firmer in the wording I chose, hoping she'd get the message. Nothing. Nothing at all. Weeks turned into months and still no payment, no contact, no nothing. I was persistent. It wasn't that I really needed the money, I was angered by someone not holding up their end of a deal. 

Somewhere around September, she finally replied. Her message was short and curt. She explained that attendance for the event wasn't what she had hoped and she could not afford to pay me. No apology, just a sentence (maybe two) outlining those two (in my opinion, unrelated) facts. Did she really think that was it? Did she use the same tactic with the electric company? The lighting in my home wasn't what I had hoped, therefore I will not be paying my bill this month. I immediately responded with an email expressing my anger, frustration and disappointment. I also made it clear that regardless of the success of her event, I was still entitled to received payment. How many people attended her event had nothing to do with me or our agreement. I received no response.

I still kept up a regular schedule of emails to this DJ as the year 2010 came to a close. In December, I saw her name pop up in an internet "chat room" (remember those?) when the subject of holiday plans was being discussed. She was saying that she purchased a six-pack of beer for a friend as a Christmas gift. I sent her a private message, identifying myself and berating her for buying gifts when she still has long outstanding financial obligations. She said she had been low on funds, couldn't afford to pay her bills, but needed to buy Christmas gifts. Then she called me an "asshole" and told me I just ruined her holiday. Then she abruptly left the chat room. Sometime in the spring of 2011, she sent me a check for five dollars, saying it was all she could afford and this was to settle her debt.

Nearly a decade later, Mrs. Pincus experienced a disputed charge by one of her many eBay customers. It seems this guy's credit card was compromised and he questioned every charge on his recent bill, including one for some items he bought from my wife. However, this guy was a previous customer. Mrs. P sent him a friendly email, identifying herself and the charge as legitimate. He apologized via email and promised to sent payment immediately using a different method.

You know where this is going.... right?

Well, weeks went by and no payment. Mrs. P — in the middle of fulfilling holiday orders, rushing to the post office and keeping up with a barrage of questions from potential buyers — regularly emailed this particular customer, still requesting payment. He does respond, albeit several days after the remainder are sent out. He explains something about working with his credit card company to "make this right." Sometimes he says he's been busy with work-related things, but payment will come immediately. (It doesn't.) Sometimes he doesn't answer. 

Mrs. P contacted eBay. They were no help, telling her that there was nothing they could do. It was all on the customer because of the nature of the issue. Mrs. P tried emailing again, nicely but firmly requesting payment. This time, his response included the statement: "I have been caring for my mother. I will get to it as soon as I can."

People don't understand that we all have issues. We all have problems. We all have mishagas in our lives. What makes you think that your problems are way more important than mine or anyone's problems?

Oh right. Ego.

I made it! Top of the World, Ma!

www.joshpincusiscrying.com