See those bagels? Look good, huh? Well, they were. Very good, as a matter of fact. And my wife baked them from scratch. Here's how they came to be.
Ten weeks into this worldwide coronavirus quarantine, we are running out of things to do. We watched all the television shows. We watched all the movies. We went on all the walks. Every day. Every single day until the days began to run into each other, one indistinguishable from the next.
In between these mundane and repetitious time killers, Mrs. P and I spend a good amount of time on social media... even when there is not a pandemic going on. Under the current circumstances, we find ourselves staring at small screens and large screens for long periods of time. I post my drawings and, lately, a succession of screenshots from old televisions shows featuring a well-known actor or actress in a very early role. (I figured I should put my excessive TV watching to some constructive use... if you call that constructive.) Mrs. Pincus checks Facebook to keep in touch, catch up and commiserate with friends. A few days ago (it may have been a week ago... or maybe a month), Mrs. P came across a simple recipe for bagels. At this point, it appears that everyone is baking some sort of bread or bread-type concoction. I see the pictures on Instagram. There are beautiful, rustic masterpieces of oven-browned works of art. Some have intricate designs etched into the outer crust. Others are deftly braided and glistening with an egg-washed shine. Then there are some that can only be identified as "bread" by the accompanying caption.
Mrs. Pincus is an accomplished baker, turning out bakery-caliber specialties that have brought her regular praise at our annual "Night before Thanksgiving" dessert party. She mostly concentrates on baked goods of the sweet and dessert-y variety. The closest she comes to anything remotely bready is her renowned kamish broit, which is sort of a cookie biscotti... but not really. Kamish broit is sometimes called mandel broit or mandel loaf and it is a traditional Ashenaszi dessert with origins among Ukrainian peasants. Aside from flour, sugar, eggs and oil, additional ingredients can include almonds, walnuts or candied fruit. Mrs. Pincus loads hers with semisweet chocolate chips and they have been known to cause riots if there is not enough to go around.
Mrs. Pincus often gathers recipes that pique her interest, hoping to eventually make some a permanent addition to her repertoire. Baking bread has never interested her. She couldn't be bothered with yeast and proofing and rising and kneading and resting and all those other steps. (Yeah, I took the self-guided tour at the Boudin Sourdough Bakery attraction in Disney's California Adventure, so I know those terms have something to do with bread baking.) The bagel recipe, however, seemed to pride itself on being comprised of just five simple ingredients — flour, salt, baking power, Greek yogurt and eggs. Actually, since the eggs are just used for a topical egg wash, the number of actual "mixed-in" ingredients are reduced to four. All of the traditional methods associated with the age-old process of bagel-making are dispensed with! No yeast! No mixers with a dough hook attachment! No boiling! Mrs. Pincus was game.
Sunday afternoon, we gathered in the kitchen. Mrs. P allowed me to assist, an appointment that I took very seriously. In the two days in November that Mrs. P works tirelessly to crank out an overflowing table full of tempting desserts, no one is permitted in the kitchen, lest they interrupt — or worse, get trampled — amid the baking ballet that my spouse has perfected. I collected a canister of flour, a can of baking powder and a box of coarse salt from the cabinet. Mrs. Pincus extracted two eggs and a recently-purchased-just-for-the-occasion container of plain Greek yogurt from the refrigerator. She added a small pouch of sesame seeds and a shaker of "everything bagel" seasoning to our last grocery order. We were ready. A cup of flour was measured. Two teaspoons of baking powder were added. Three-quarters of a teaspoon of the coarse salt followed into the bowl. In a separate measuring cup, Mrs. P spooned a heaping spatula of Greek yogurt, adding small amounts until the level reached the "one cup" marking on the glass. While Mrs. Pincus blended these unlikely bread ingredients, I got my first on-the-job-training in cracking an egg. Following verbal instructions from my wife, I gingerly held the egg with the tips of my fingers and began awkwardly tapping it on the edge of the sink until a crack spread across its surface. I carefully pulled the crack wider until the yolk and cloudy albumen dropped into a waiting glass bowl. Then, with a fork, I whipped the yellow and white contents together and waited further instruction.
By now, the four ingredients in the mixing bowl had melded miraculously — and against all explanation — into a dead ringer for bread dough. Mrs. Pincus rolled a chunk of dough — by hand — into a rope and then attached each end to form a circle. She repeated this several more times until a greased baking sheet was evenly arranged with nine bagels awaiting their time in our oven. I brushed the top of each one with the beaten egg and then sprinkled them with bagel toppings — six with "everything" seasoning and three with sesame seeds only.
After a twenty-five turn in the oven, Mrs. P donned a quilted mitt and withdrew a pan of golden bagels. They were beautiful little examples of baked nirvana (the blissful state, not the band.... unless your idea of bliss is Kurt Cobain's mournful growl, then, by all means....). She placed the baking sheet on our kitchen counter for the recommending cooling time. As the temperature dissipated, we marveled at the little round, sesame and poppy-topped comestibles. When a suitable cooling period has passed, my wife broke one of the bagels in half and handed me a piece. I popped it in my mouth. It was absolutely delicious! I am not just saying that because my wife baked it. It was sincerely delicious! It was on a level of any commercially-produced bagel I had ever eaten. Seriously! While we enjoyed outr first taste of their magical bready goodness, my wife quickly mixed up another batch and and placed them in the oven. I called my son to tell him how good they were. My wife put five on a plate to bring to her parents. Plans were already in the works for the next time these bagels would be made. We saved the remaining bagels to accompany our dinner over the next few nights.
After dinner, we settled in front of another screen — the television — to find something to watch for the evening. As per usual, we settled on something that would not need our undivided attention. Mrs. P scanned Facebook, proudly posting pictures of the bagels that she had baked, explaining that they only required five ingredients. Well, the internet being what it is, its never ending mission to outdo anything you may have just read, someone else posted a recipe that only uses two ingredients! How can this be possible? We were doubtful that bagels could be made with five ingredients considering that none of those ingredients were yeast! But, come on, two ingredients? This is nuts! Mrs. Pincus clicked the link and read on. Within a second or two, she emitted a disappointed exhale. It seemed the two ingredients are plain Greek yogurt and self-rising flour. And what exactly is self-rising flour? Why, it's flour that already contains salt and baking powder! Oh, the internet!
Anyway, here's the recipe that we followed. And, no, this has not become a baking blog.
Five Ingredient Bagels
Ingredients
1 cup (5 oz) unbleached all-purpose flour (whole wheat or gluten-free mix can be used)
2 teaspoons baking powder
3/4 teaspoon coarse salt (kosher salt)
1 cup non-fat Greek yogurt (not regular yogurt, but non-dairy Greek yogurt can be substituted)
1 egg white, beaten (a whole egg can be used)
optional toppings:
everything bagel seasoning, sesame seeds, poppy seeds, dried garlic flakes, dried onion flakes
Instructions
Preheat oven to 375°F. Place parchment paper on a baking sheet. Spray parchment with oil to avoid sticking. In a medium bowl, combine the flour, baking powder and salt and whisk well. Add the yogurt and mix with a fork or spatula until well combined, it will look like small crumbles. Lightly dust flour on a work surface and remove dough from the bowl, knead the dough a few times until dough is tacky, but not sticky, about 15 turns (it should not leave dough on your hand when you pull away). Divide into 4 equal balls. Roll each ball into 3/4-inch thick ropes and join the ends to form bagels. (or you can make a ball and poke a hole in the center then stretch it slightly) Top with egg wash and sprinkle both sides with seasoning of your choice. Bake on the top rack of the oven for 25 minutes. Let cool at least 15 minutes before cutting. (We made smaller bagels and got nine out of this recipe.)
I guess we'll be churning our own butter next.
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