Wednesday, January 1, 2014

a needle pulling thread


You've heard it before, or perhaps you've even done it yourself. A conversation or an explanation that starts off strong, astute, thoughtful and informative — only to trail off and end with a dubious "so...." You know what I'm talking about.
"Why didn't you go to the dry cleaner? I need that suit for an interview tomorrow!"

"Well, I woke up later than I wanted and then, when I got out to my car, I had a flat tire. By the time AAA came to change my tire, it was getting late and I needed gas and the cleaners is way on the other side of town and I think they close early on certain days, so...."
or
"Wanna come over for dinner this Friday?"

"I'd love to, but my in-laws are going away and they need someone to feed their dog. Plus the dog needs medication and no one else can give it to him the right way and I'm the only one they trust to watch and take care of him, 'cause he's old, so..."
or
"I know your birthday was yesterday and I really wanted to get you a nice card and a gift, but I was working late and my boss was on me to finish a report for a presentation to his boss on Monday and, by the time I was finally done, the card store was closed and I didn't want to just get you a card from a drug store or the supermarket, so..."

Most of these scenarios could actually end before the speaker gets to the "so... ." I have come to the conclusion that if the statement continues and winds up with the trailing off "so...," the speaker really wants to end his or her statement with "fuck you," which would be their real answer. In most cases, they are too polite to say such a thing, but it fits in nearly every instance.

"...and I think they close early on certain days, so... fuck you. Go to the cleaners yourself."

"...and I'm the only one they trust to watch and take care of him, 'cause he's old, so... fuck you. I don't ever want to come over for dinner — Friday or otherwise."

"...and I didn't want to just get you a card from a drug store or the supermarket, so... fuck you. You forgot my birthday last year, you inconsiderate asshole."

Next time someone trails off when they are explaining why they didn't RSVP to your party or why they can't give you a ride to the airport, you'll understand what they really are trying to say, so...

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