Wednesday, May 14, 2014

who let the dogs out?

It's been some time since I offended dog owners (December 2012, March 2011 and way back in August 2010), so let's give this another shot.
You love your dog? Good for you! But I've got some bad news for you, sunshine... I don't love your dog. Nor do a whole lot of other people. Fortunately for you, the good folks at Harrah's Resort in Atlantic City have rolled out the flea-bitten carpet for you and the kibble-eating members of your household. It seems that the casino is hurting for business and want to throw out the welcome mat to everyone. Having already divided and sub-divided the "No Smoking" areas of the casino floor for the sake of future emphysema patients, they are now offering accommodations to guests with dogs, provided they are under fifty pounds (The dogs, not the guests. Harrah's still offers one of the best all-you-can-eat buffets at the Jersey Shore).

There is a list of rules and regulations regarding staying with dogs. One of the five guest room towers has been designated as the "dog" tower. Dogs must be crated when left unattended or when a member of the housekeeping staff is making up the room. Not unreasonable. Not unreasonable at all. Unfortunately, there are those among us that live by the credo: "Rules? Rules are for you assholes. The rules do not apply to me." Then, there is that other group, too (the ones I referenced earlier). The ones who love their dogs and believe that everyone else loves their dogs, as well. The ones who think their dog is a person*. The ones who refer to their dog as "my baby." The ones who don't restrain their dogs around other people. The ones who insist their dog is just being friendly as it wipes its muddy paws all over your shirt and jams its snout into your crotch.

These are the guests that will bring trouble to the well-meaning Harrah's.

The elevators at the designated "dog" tower let out mere steps from a busy, twenty-four hour coffee shop. That means dog hair in the food. Dogs, while leashed, will encounter other dogs in common guest areas (lobbies, inside walkways, front desk, elevators etc.). Dogs are known to be unpredictable around other dogs.(Yes, even your dog!) Children love to pet dogs, whether or not your dog likes to be petted... and dogs bite. Some owners don't bathe their dogs regularly. Oh, and sometimes dogs shit on the floor. (Yes, even your dog!) 

I hope Harrah's little canine experiment works out for them. I, however, will not be around to see if it does.

Look, I hate dogs as much as the next dog hater. But, I hate overzealous dog owners more.

*Your dog is not a person and never will be. Never.

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