was the fin on your back part of the deal

I started watching Shark Tank years ago, when it first premiered in the United States in 2009. Since then, it has gone on to produce 18 seasons and win five Prime Time Emmy Awards. Honestly, I lost interest in Shark Tank just a few episodes after it started, but recently, Mrs. Pincus and I have been watching reruns which are broadcast on CNBC almost as much as Friends is shown on TBS.

We have a particular ritual when it comes to watching Shark Tank. Since these shows are two, three... even ten yerars old, we like to watch and Google the eventual climax of each particular sales pitch. We like to see if a deal was struck with one of the "sharks" and if that particular deal amounted to anything. Sure, companies like Bombas socks and Scrub Daddy were famously launched on Shark Tank and netted their investor (FUBU founder Daymond John and QVC queen Lori Greiner respectively) a ton of money. But Ring camera doorbell was passed over by the majority of the "sharks" (save for resident asshole Kevin O'Leary who made an offer, but wanted a hefty royalty) and went on to be acquired by Amazon for just over one billion dollars.

Shark Tank is the American version of a Japanese program called manē no tora (Tigers of Money). That show spawned the British Dragon's Den which then begat Shark Tank. The premise is pretty simple. Hopeful entrepreneurs pitch their company or product to a panel of wealthy potential investors. If they spark an interest, a deal will be made. Over the years, as goes the premise of most reality shows — more unnecessary drama is introduced. Each investor has been given a cartoonish personality and those personalities have become as important to the show as the actual folks making their presentation. 

There's Mark Cuban, the self-made billionaire, who is portrayed as "just one of the guys." He regularly points out whether something is a "business" or just a "product" — only to contradict himself in the next episode. He often quickly drops out of the bidding, makes an offer when he sees someone else trying to make a deal.

Robert Herjavec made his fortune in the world of cybersecurity. He injects compassion and personal experience when making his offer. He tends to embrace the underdog and regularly cries while bringing up his humble beginnings as a poor immigrant... which is nearly every episode.

Lori Greiner is a smart savvy businessperson, who unfortunately has to continually sell herself and her qualifications, despite having a net worth of approximately 250 million dollars and a business portfolio worth over a billion. I like Lori because she butts heads and belittles fellow "shark" Kevin O'Leary.

Speaking of Kevin O'Leary... I can't stand him. He makes the show very difficult to watch. If I recall, he was the main reason I stopped watching in the first place. He is an arrogant, obnoxious know-it-all. He is greedy, unreasonable and often insults those pitching a product — even when he is trying to negotiate a deal with them. O'Leary founded a software company in the 80s that he eventually sold to Mattel. After the acquisition, Mattel immediately fired him. The acquisition eventually resulted in significant losses for the O'Leary-founded entity and sparked multiple shareholder lawsuits targeting O'Leary's mismanagement. On Shark Tank, he has adopted the nickname "Mr. Wonderful," and  regularly evokes the sobriquet with a shit-eating grin on his very smackable face.

In the evenings, when Mrs. Pincus and I are just unwinding on the sofa after a long and tiring day of reality, we watch Shark Tank. I have said that if I ever had a product that I could pitch on Shark Tank — which would never happen, but if it did — I would come out and even before I began my presentation, I would announce that while I hope to make a deal today, if no one but Kevin O'Leary is interested, I will just leave. I will not, under any circumstances, speak with, negotiate with, engage with or otherwise interact with Kevin O'Leary. I will not acknowledge any of his questions, his comments, his suggestions or his criticisms. I don't care if he loves my imaginary product and/or service. I don't care if he offered me ten million dollars for a .5% equity in my company, I would refuse. I would thank the "sharks" for their time, turn, and head for the exit if all the other "sharks" dropped out and he was beginning to assemble a deal. I have worked for guys like him. They are nauseating. The rules of society do not apply to them,. They think nothing of driving the wrong way down a one way street. They ignore business hours posted in the front window of a store. They don't bat an eye at "No Parking" signs. They do what they want because they are rich. I would sooner walk out the door than deal with arrogance — let alone arrogance that owns a piece of my company (my imaginary company, that is.)

Nevertheless, Shark Tank makes for a good distraction after working all day. Plus it's fun to see the ultimate fate of some of these businesses. (How many small-batch coffee roasters does the world need?)

But, if MeTV Toons is showing that Bugs Bunny cartoon with Little Red Riding Hood, you know what I'm watching.

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