I love old television shows, especially the ones from my youth. But you already knew that. Actually, I don't love all old TV shows. There are a few (quite a few, as a matter of fact) that I don't like. Three of them, coincidentally, have military premises... and I don't like any of them.
In 1962, the anthology series
Alcoa Premiere presented a one-hour drama called "Seven Against the Sea." The show featured Academy Award-winning actor Ernest Borgnine as a beleaguered US Navy Captain dealing with the trials and tribulations of World War II. The character Borgnine played was "Quintin McHale." Someone at the ABC Network got the bright idea to spin the show off into a weekly series and.... make it a comedy... and
McHale's Navy was born. All new supporting characters were created except for "Christy" who appeared in the drama (played by Gary Vinson) and was carried over to the series. The show presented the crew of the PT-73 under the command of McHale, whose pursuit is to goldbrick and profit off the war effort. Borgnine was not known for playing comedy. He mostly appeared in films as despicable villains, although he was awarded his Oscar for his tender portrayal of shy Bronx butcher "Marty Pilletti" in
Marty. But broad comedy was not his forte... and it showed. Borgnine delivered his lines with stammering confusion. Luckily, he was professional enough to let the
real comedians handle (what passed for) comedy in the show. Veteran comedic actors like Tim Conway, Billy Sands, Carl Ballantine and the irascible Joe Flynn did the heavy lifting for Borgnine while he did double-take after poorly-executed double-take and mugged for the camera in wide-eyed bewilderment. The show ran for four seasons, including the final season set in a liberated town in Southern Italy featuring another comedy heavyweight, Vito Scotti. I suppose ABC felt they could sustain the show and cover up Borgnine's lack of comedy chops by hiring real comic performers to act funny around him. It worked, I guess. The show was pretty popular in first run and perennial reruns. According to Borgnine's wonderful autobiography,
McHale's Navy was the cause of his marriage to singer Ethel Merman to end. Borgnine explained that they wed at the height of
McHale's Navy's popularity. He was
far more recognizable than his movie star/Broadway star wife and she couldn't deal with someone being more popular. Their marriage lasted 42 days.
McHale's Navy has enjoyed a long and prosperous run in syndication and is currently shown on the Antenna TV nostalgia network. I like the theme song, but I change the channel when it ends. The series spawned a 1997 unnecessary big-screen remake that featured Tom Arnold as Quinton Jr., Tim Curry as the Russian villain and... of course... Ernest Borgnine in a cameo.
There's a scene in the 2002 biopic
Auto Focus that sums up the incredulous premise of
Hogan's Heroes very succinctly. It depicts actor Bob Crane (as played by Greg Kinnear) being pitched the idea for the comedy by a network executive (played by Ed Begley Jr.). As the executive eagerly explain the setting as a POW camp in World War II Germany, Crane — with eyes wide and mouth agape — interrupts several times to confirm that this is, indeed, a
comedy about
Nazis. A
comedy. About
Nazis. I have watched
Hogan's Heroes and, much like
McHale's Navy, the show is supplemented with
real comic actors to make up for the shortcomings of the lead. For me,
Hogan's Heroes is hard to watch for a
few reasons — Nazis notwithstanding. Knowing what I know
now about Bob Crane, I have an unpleasant mental picture that I just can't shake. Little did we know that his trademark
knowing looks to the camera held a much,
much creepier meaning than just his outsmarting the inept Colonel Klink. I liked the supporting cast, specifically the long parade of Jewish actors consciously portraying Nazis as halfwit buffoons. But the overall
tone of the show was tedious, repetitive and, for me, difficult to swallow.
Two episodes of Hogan's Heroes air nightly on the MeTV network. I rarely watch.
I love
The Andy Griffith Show. I've seen every episode of its 8-season run countless times. I liked most of the characters and the folksy sentiment of the series. Jim Nabors joined the cast as slow-witted, annoying, meddling "Gomer Pyle" in season 3 as a recurring character. I disliked that character almost immediately. Gomer stuck around in a smattering of episodes in season 4, with the final episode of that season serving as a pilot for a new series starring Nabors. His "Gomer" character enlisted in the US Marines. At the heated peak of the Vietnam War and with no consideration for America's feelings at the time, CBS network executives thought
this was a good idea. The show made no mention of war during its entire 5-season run. Instead Gomer and his colleagues participated in "maneuvers" and "drills" and "exercises," never "battle." Most episodes focused mostly on simple-minded country boy Gomer and his many conflicts with the insufferable, one-dimensional "Sergeant Carter," as played by the insufferable, one-dimensional Frank Sutton. (Frank Sutton always looked as though he regretted being talked into taking this role.) This show was a
mess. Not even brief appearances by Ron Howard, Frances Bavier and Andy Griffith himself reprising their Mayberry characters could salvage the hackneyed writing and poor acting of this ill-conceived series. I felt sorry for co-stars Ronnie Schell and a pre-
That Girl Ted Bessell playing second fiddle to the hapless Jim Nabors and his totally implausible situations. If this was
Full Metal Jacket, his entire platoon would have armed themselves with bars of soap wrapped in towels and beaten Gomer to a pulp
every single night for five years. Unlike
McHale's Navy, when I hear the opening chords of the
Gomer Pyle theme, I race for the remote control as quickly as I can.
An episode of Gomer Pyle USMC airs Monday through Friday on MeTV, after a double dose of The Andy Griffith Show. Have at it, if that's your thing. It's not mine.
There you have it. My opinion on the three 1960s-era military comedies. It may differ from your opinion of these shows... but it's my blog. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.
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