I am constantly surprised by the number of people who know me that don't really know me. I'm really not that difficult to figure out, as I'm not particularly deep or mysterious or enigmatic. I don't like extravagance. I'm honest and outspoken. I'm sarcastic. (Okay, I'm very sarcastic and that aspect of my personality has gotten me into trouble more times than I care to admit.) I don't like to make small talk. If I like you, I talk to you, if I have something to say. If I don't like you, I'll ignore you. I have no time for liars or bullshit. I have a pretty good sense of humor and I like to laugh. I find humor in almost everything, but I don't find everything funny. I don't particularly like scatological humor. I don't like mean-spirited humor. I like clever humor. I like mostly comedies and musicals and light-hearted entertainment. I don't like science-fiction, superhero or any "suspension of beliefs" plot lines in movies or television... unless it's played for laughs. When I take a trip, I like kitschy entertainment or some pop culture-type destination.
Pretty simple, huh? Especially, if you have known me for some time.
But, for some reason, I receive regular recommendations from people pointing me towards things that don't fit into the category of anything I like.
Years ago, after planning yet another trip to Walt Disney World, a co-worker said to me, "Y'know where you should go? Yellowstone Park." "Really?," I replied, "Should I? And why should I go to Yellowstone Park?" He went on to explain — with dewy eyes — that there are beautiful trees and hiking trails and camping is available. I smiled and said, "I can see trees on my way to work. I can't see singing pirates on my way to work. And I bought a house so I would never have to sleep in the dirt." My co-worker frowned and walked away.
A former sister-in-law (it's hard to say which one since I've had so many) once told me, after she returned from a week at Hilton Head Island, "You should go to Hilton Head Island! You would love it there!" With a feeling of déja vu, I asked her to describe exactly what I would love about Hilton Head Island. With a wide grin and animated hand gestures, she told me about the golfing and swimming and biking and hiking opportunities that were abundant at the South Carolina resort. When she finished waxing poetic, I asked her if she ever saw me golf or swim or bike or hike in her life. My former sister-in-law frowned and walked away.
Are your recommendations based on things you like? With no consideration to what I like? Are you assuming if you like something, everyone must like it, because everyone is like you? I mean I've gotten dirty looks on cruise ships from fellow cruisers who are disappointed — even outraged — to learn that I am a Philadelphia male who doesn't follow football. Just because you watch football doesn't mean everyone watches football... believe it or not!
I've had friends tell me about movies that I would love! Movies about alien worlds and caped heroes straight from the pages of a comic book I never read. These lengthy synopses are usually followed by: "Oh, you should see it! You will love it!" I gently reveal that I don't care for science fiction or super hero themes in films... only to be interrupted with "Oh, but you'd love this one!"
I can instantly recognize whether or not I will like a movie or a television show within a very short time. I have given plenty of programming plenty of time to catch my interest. Most have failed. Believe me, I have been very, very open minded. Hell, I watched all three seasons of Stranger Things because I really, really wanted to like it. I hated all three seasons. I sat through twenty-five grueling minutes of Season 1 Episode 1 of HBO's hit series Deadwood before snapping it off in disgust and confusion. I had no idea what was going on, except for a lot of mumbling and gratuitous, anachronistic cursing. Just last week, I watched the beginning of the new revival of Perry Mason. I made it to the eighteen minute mark. I didn't like the original series and this new take was trying so desperately hard to be cool that I found it distracting. Like I said, I can be very patient. I watched the premiere installment of Jason Segel's AMC series Dispatches from Elsewhere. Sure, it smacked of science fiction and suspension of reality and everything else I usually dislike, but I enjoyed it very much. I found the characters and storytelling to be heartwarming and endearing. I even liked the payoff, where most people found it a letdown. But, I wouldn't dare recommend it to anyone.
I rarely offer recommendations for anything to anyone. Instead, I will tell of a movie or television show that I liked, but offer a self-protecting disclaimer of "I liked it, but I can't say that you'd like it." I know that my tastes are not everyone's tastes. I like a lot of movies that no one likes. (Phantom of the Paradise and Wild Wild West come to mind, but I'm sure there are more.)
Perhaps I would be more receptive to recommendations if they were presented with less urgency and insistence. Instead of "you would like this," maybe you should consider "I liked this, perhaps you would, too... but I can't be sure." I understand that people are excited about what they like and are eager to share, but you have to know someone really, really really well before you know what they'd like.
And, to date, no one seems to know me that well. I should work on that.
Maybe not.
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